Saturday, August 15, 2009

Seriously Disturbed

We ran into my ex at a local restaurant this week. I see him here, there and everywhere. It’s a small town. It isn’t easy, but I have accepted that he is a rotten person and have done my best to find closure and move on. My kids, on the other hand, have not gone through the same process I have because they don’t understand pathological disorders/mental illness. I wasn’t sure how this was going to play out. As I would have expected, he completely snubbed my kids…yes, completely snubbed if he didn't even know them. This lead to a 15 minute crying session for both boys-- in the restaurant (where the cashier informed me that X had given him the “low down” on how “crazy” I was….yes, a total stranger!), in front the restaurant, and in the car. This is the point where my older son wished that X had never moved in with us….this is when Mommy feels guilty for letting someone like that near her children. Note to self: stop feeling guilty, you didn’t know. I was upset about the distress this had caused my kids, until the next day when someone informed me that (while he and I were together) he had used his cell phone to take an indecent video of the two of us without my knowing (there are certain positions that this is possible….think about it) and showed it to his friends/band mates/who knows. Suddenly, I forgot all about the interaction we had the day before. Who the hell does something like that?!! Seriously, who would do that? I feel completely violated. This was someone I trusted, someone I loved. He is some kind of sick monster!!


  1. "he had used his cell phone to take an indecent video of the two of us without my knowing" this is nuts, we have to believe that these "life sucking people" will get what they deserve! And I hope he gets it X10. I'm always here for you, and I hope you always know it!

    The Noisey Neighbor

  2. In my mind, I know that taking a sex video behind your partner's back (literally!) and showing it to people without her knowing is so completely wrong, on so many levels, but somehow that NEVER occurred to him. I hate it that I ever loved someone so despicable and immoral. But I did. More than he deserved. I just feel humiliated and betrayed.

    I also hate it that my kids had to go through that at the restaurant, but now, at least, my little one will stop asking "can we find the apartment with the green door, because [X] has a green door."

  3. Wow. What is with the Ns who like to post such horrible messages on blogs about recovery from abuse? This is why I don't open up my blog to comments. If you don't like it, don't read it!

  4. We both use X to reference X. X took pictures of me and shared with friends and various media sources. It's been 5 years and I'm still grieving. .

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