Saturday, August 22, 2009

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Narcissists Commandments

I enjoy each and every one of Laura Kamienski's posts, but I found this one to be particularly amusing, insightful and absolutely true!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Grieving Process

It's been exactly six months since the relationship ended. I asked my nearest, dearest friend today "How long is this going to continue? When will it stop hurting?" He didn't have an answer. I feel that I've handled my grief in the healthiest possible way-- the only possible way-- accept the relationship for what it was, then move on. At first, I'll admit, I was extremely confused, angry, hurt, maybe a little bitter. That's to be expected after any breakup, right? They say time heals all things. Eventually, you get over it, right?

Yeah... right.

Time helps, but it does not heal all things. For me, healing has been a long, exhausting process. I wish I could say I was there. I can say that I'm almost there.

I can't tell you how that process works, as it's different for everyone. I can tell you that it's absolutely necessary to have a support system. Your support will likely come from well-trained professionals (I was fortunate enough to find a therapist who was very knowledgeable on the subject), other survivors of pathological relationships and friends & family, though few people will genuinely understand the extent of your pain and anguish. Unfortunately, it's very likely that people won't believe you. The most valuable tool you can have is literature on the subject. Visit the library, search the Internet, read everything you can.

Grieving the loss of a Narcissist is very hard, there are many layers. Allow yourself to experience each stage of the grieving process...sometimes cycle through each stage several times, repeatedly.

Most Narcissists aren't diagnosed, because they either refuse to go to/continue therapy or because his charm and wit can fool even the keenest of psychologists (after all, he was able to fool you, right?). It's often the victims of narcissists who seek help. Fortunately, there is a wellspring of information available. Use it.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Seriously Disturbed

We ran into my ex at a local restaurant this week. I see him here, there and everywhere. It’s a small town. It isn’t easy, but I have accepted that he is a rotten person and have done my best to find closure and move on. My kids, on the other hand, have not gone through the same process I have because they don’t understand pathological disorders/mental illness. I wasn’t sure how this was going to play out. As I would have expected, he completely snubbed my kids…yes, completely snubbed if he didn't even know them. This lead to a 15 minute crying session for both boys-- in the restaurant (where the cashier informed me that X had given him the “low down” on how “crazy” I was….yes, a total stranger!), in front the restaurant, and in the car. This is the point where my older son wished that X had never moved in with us….this is when Mommy feels guilty for letting someone like that near her children. Note to self: stop feeling guilty, you didn’t know. I was upset about the distress this had caused my kids, until the next day when someone informed me that (while he and I were together) he had used his cell phone to take an indecent video of the two of us without my knowing (there are certain positions that this is possible….think about it) and showed it to his friends/band mates/who knows. Suddenly, I forgot all about the interaction we had the day before. Who the hell does something like that?!! Seriously, who would do that? I feel completely violated. This was someone I trusted, someone I loved. He is some kind of sick monster!!