Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Grieving Process

It's been exactly six months since the relationship ended. I asked my nearest, dearest friend today "How long is this going to continue? When will it stop hurting?" He didn't have an answer. I feel that I've handled my grief in the healthiest possible way-- the only possible way-- accept the relationship for what it was, then move on. At first, I'll admit, I was extremely confused, angry, hurt, maybe a little bitter. That's to be expected after any breakup, right? They say time heals all things. Eventually, you get over it, right?


Yeah... right.



Time helps, but it does not heal all things. For me, healing has been a long, exhausting process. I wish I could say I was there. I can say that I'm almost there.

I can't tell you how that process works, as it's different for everyone. I can tell you that it's absolutely necessary to have a support system. Your support will likely come from well-trained professionals (I was fortunate enough to find a therapist who was very knowledgeable on the subject), other survivors of pathological relationships and friends & family, though few people will genuinely understand the extent of your pain and anguish. Unfortunately, it's very likely that people won't believe you. The most valuable tool you can have is literature on the subject. Visit the library, search the Internet, read everything you can.

Grieving the loss of a Narcissist is very hard, there are many layers. Allow yourself to experience each stage of the grieving process...sometimes cycle through each stage several times, repeatedly.

Most Narcissists aren't diagnosed, because they either refuse to go to/continue therapy or because his charm and wit can fool even the keenest of psychologists (after all, he was able to fool you, right?). It's often the victims of narcissists who seek help. Fortunately, there is a wellspring of information available. Use it.

11 comments:

  1. Grieving the N is not like a normal breakup.
    It's not even like a death, that has it's stages of grief.
    The loss of the N is like nothing else.
    ES

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    Replies
    1. Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news..contact him on lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +13217666393. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http

      Delete
  2. My loss was unbearable sadness for three years. I was instructed to "feel" the pain. I did. Little did I know that my grief and searching and writing would lead me to something full of "light". It was a long long winter. I don't think I will ever totally recover because I don't really know who the person was. My memories do not match the ending. That is the crulest part of all. Your mind can't process it. The shock of it overwhelms you over and over and over again. Beauty turning to hell. So my advice is to feel the pain, let the pain turn to beauty, forgive the suffering N, but never never never go anywhere near them again. "They" don't really exist.

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  3. "They don't really exist". You are right. They are evil.

    ReplyDelete
  4. wot a nite mare ! dumped and dicarded without any explanation .nearly five years of pushing and pulling back in.nearly 6months now but now wants nothing to do with me.two weeks before he accepted a peace gift i lft at his door,but three nites ago wouldnt open the door to me,whats with that?i
    pleaded with him to just give me 10 minutes.i needed closure but he turned his light out and wouldnt even reply,wot a looser i am . i waited for an hour then left,it just feel so sureal.

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  5. Couldn't have said it better. The memories don't match the ending. Ugh this grieving part sucks! Sometimes I wish my brain had an off switch.
    They steal your <3 with their words, then break your <3 with their actions..

    ReplyDelete
  6. yes I can understand all the above comments the push away the pull you back in, he had 2 others on a string i was the one who exposed his...I am not sure what to call it, he then stayed with me for 2 half weeks saying i was the one he wanted to be with to not contact the other bitches, little did i know he was still txting them and then told one of them she was the one he wanted to be with while still staying with me. anyway so many many lies...I guess now I am in the hate him stage I am sooooo angry.
    Last time I saw him I was very playful happy and we laughed but wn=hen he was ready to leave he said Ill talk with you later see you later. I told him no you wont you wont be seeing me again, its better this way...gave him a big hug. Closed the door.
    I txt him as he was driving away and said *I will miss you, good bye. he Txt me the next day saying. "still Love me"
    I found out he had txt number 3 and said miss you.
    I didnt reply have deleted all numbers and contacts.
    This is the 3rd time now.
    My god he is a pig....

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  7. It's is so unbelievable the damage they do...without a care in the world. no ownership for actions and blame fur reactions. I'm trying to close the door, but my heart loves a man that never existed.

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  8. I'm heartbroken... it's over! again! But he never tells me it's over he just gets nasty calls me all sorts of bad names makes me cry, and then tells me to leave whilst laughing at me.. I'm a beautiful woman how have I let him break me? ₩ and l why do I wish he'll call me

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  9. Thanks to Dr.AGBAZARA for hearing and responding to my work for my marriage to be restored and perfected by His great power. I await His perfect timing to reveal His great works. I have been told to Expect my Joy` and I do! today my Husband came back to me with the power of Dr.AGBAZARA SPELL TEMPLE. Here is he`s email address if you are having problems in your relationship or marriage: agbazara@gmail.com OR call 2348104102662

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news..contact him on lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +13217666393. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http

    ReplyDelete