Monday, September 21, 2009

Mr. 80 Percent.

At this point, I hate to admit that the pain still haunts me. I hate to admit that I still think of him everyday. But I do. Whenever I start to think about the would haves or the should haves, I turn to this blog to remind myself of the turmoil that this relationship has caused. Quite honestly, it's the only way I can keep from missing him. There...I said it.

I'm fully aware that anything this man ever said to me was a complete and total lie. It was all a facade. I know that, now. But the feelings that I felt were real. The dreams I shared were real. And at the time, I thought his were real too. It honestly felt real to me. More real than anything I'd known. He even wrote that bullshit song for me. He cried while he sang it. How was I not to believe him? He said that being with me and my boys gave his life meaning. He finally had purpose, something he'd never had before. Those two statements I actually believe to be true. His life has no meaning...no purpose. That's why he leached onto mine. That's why he moved under my roof, ate my food and took advantage of my love and generosity.

Looking back, I realize that there were several red flags that I completely ignored. Originally, this post contained a list of some of them, but I removed them because I didn't want this to sound like an ex-bashing rant. I guess I was always aware of the flags, I watched them wave right in front of my face, but dismissed them to see where the relationship would go. I figured that since he had a secure job, a great driving record and didn't do drugs, he couldn't be all that bad; he at least deserved a chance. Those other things were just minor. He was my Mr. 80% (according to Dr. Phil's Love Smart). I could whip him right into shape in no time. Besides that, I was crazy about him. The problem with turning a blind eye to those red flags is that eventually they come back to haunt you. I'm sure that had I known more about pathological behavior prior to that relationship, it would have saved me from a world of hurt and an ocean of tears.





















11 comments:

  1. You are not alone. It has been more than two years since he left my life and it has been more than a year and a half since I've seen or talked to him and yet today....I thought of him at least a hundred times in that haunting way.

    It's not fair and yet it is what it is and I hate it.

    It was 100% because what we feel and believe is 100% real. Not seeing and obeying the red flags is not something that we should beat ourselves up with...not that you are doing that, but I still do.

    I comfort myself by reminding myself that I have a heart and the ability to be intimate and keep my promises. That makes me a wonderful person no matter what he was, no matter what he did.

    Hugs to you. Healing to all of us.

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    1. Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news..contact him on lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +13217666393. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http

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  2. To me, the biggest problem we face is that we don't have a 'context' for understanding those red flags.

    Everybody has problems in their relationship/marriage. Everybody sees things they don't like and Thank Goodness people are willing to give a partner the benefit of the doubt and HOPE they will change their bad behavior. After all, that's what WE want them to do for us, right?

    The problem is that there are pathological signs that someone might not be capable (or willing) to change. Without information though, we can't interpret those signs. So we make assumptions based on our relational experience with others and ourselves.

    What is changing in our society now is that people are becoming more aware of 'pathological signs'. Even so, some people are capable of changing and other's aren't.

    I may be in the minority with my opinion, but I believe anyone could end up in an unhealthy relationship because most people DO NOT correctly interpret the red flags. It's always easy to do that in HINDSIGHT, right?

    Be kind to yourself...we're in a period of history that is debunking a lot of the pop-psychology that made us think that everybody wanted to be loved and to love back. Well, phooey on that idea! It's ain't true!


    Hugs,
    CZBZ

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  3. Thanks for your messages. I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist. When I began to find out things were pretty crazy, I just couldn't accept what was really happening. The signs were there and I did tell him good bye but he asked me to stay to work on it. Of course it kept getting worse everytime. The strange thing is that he is a spiritual teacher so it was harder for me to get past some of the superficial layers that made him look good. I am having a terrible time getting over someone who criticized me constantly, calling old girlfriends and trying to gaslight me into thinking I am crazy when I tried to address this issues. I can't understand why I hurt. It has to be my old childhool stuff. I just want it to go away, it is not worth it the time unless I can continue to understand my part. I am in counseling, I did counseling before but obviously this is a part of me that is unhealed. What I don't understand is why I think I miss him because he was awful. Please god help me to heal

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  4. In the moments when I miss him, I think of the beautiful poetry he composed about me, for me. The songs he wrote about me and for me, and I wonder to myself, how could that all be unreal? And I being doubting myself, maybe I'm deluding myself and he really was, still is the man that I fell completely, madly, deeply in love with. And then I read the experiences of women who have been in relationships with men that have NPD. And coming across your blog, reading this specific post, about how he wrote a song, cried to you when he sang it. It's chilling.

    Thank you for sharing. I am so emotionally exhausted and feel at the point of unraveling at any moment. The mind-f*@* (pardon my french, but that is exactly what it feels like) is just too twisted to understand.

    It's only been two weeks since I found out that everything I believed, loved, and thought I had, was, is and will always be a lie. It was all the workings of a sick mind and a diseased heart. And yet,I still find myself emotionally crippled when I think of him.

    It's disorienting and dizzying to remain grounded. I know what I had and felt was real, but it was just me. Accepting that is the hardest thing and the yet, I know it's the only thing I can do to let go.

    Wishing luck to all who venture on to this site and others like it. My heart aches for all the women and people who have suffered because we love so freely.

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  5. this is my first time responding to a blog. after 20 months reading about narcissism, i realize i need help dealing with the emotional trauma of life with a narcissist. it is toxic. it is debilitating to our hearts and souls. it is abuse. time to get help

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  6. SHE RUINED MY LIFE IN EVERY WAY MY HOME MONEY FAMILY JOB I WORKED 20 HARD YRS SHE TOOK IT ALL IN 3 YRS WHY? I LOVED HER SO SHE WAS MY PRONCESS MY LOVE MY LIFE WHY ?JUST WHY I CANT SHAKE THIS HELP ME

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  7. I left several months ago. But had left more times than I could count.The hardest part for me is that my ex was so indifferent and cold that i would become so hurt humiliated insulted and enraged by being treated that way that what is known as retaliation abuse became a way of life for me.I was tired of. the critical double standard hypocritical judgement passed on me by someone that took no interest in my life had no empathy for me yet expected so much empathy from me.i watched her career thrive while i was living out of the trunk of my car just to get away.i was exhausted from the manipulation.i was sick of the inconsistent insincere words. i was sick of being a doormat for rhis self centered ungrateful empty person.i wad tired of wasting my life and feeling miserable.then there were the guilt gifts. to bqck up how crazy i am when she would treat me like dirt"well don't i buy you gifts and cook u special meals"yet in reality she thought she was superior cared nothing about my life or mt being.i hate that i had to stoop so low to slum with a full blown narcissist

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  8. Wow, thank you for creating this page. I came out of my narcissistic relationship almost a year ago, yet I still feel under his spell. When I met him I felt there were many awkward signs, his behaviour was strange, something I never experienced before. He would never look me in the eye, he would speak with a posh high grandiosity, in a poetic language I could almost not understand. He looked upset within himself to a lot of the time and would sulk and be cold a lot to without any apparent reason. It just felt strange to be around him. But I wanted to find out why I felt so attracted to him and wasn't ready to let go, I didn't know any better at the time. I had no idea what I was signing up for by wanting to seal a bond with him. It was been an horrendous journey of hurt confusion resuming, and it was a rather traumatic experience to find out what was really going on. I have become an emotional slave to this men, I don't know how he got under my skin and soul so deeply and, but he certainly knew how to do it in a very covert and cunning way. He played the roll of a high evolved and wise spiritual teacher and believe it or not I fell for his so self proclaimed powers. Whilst I was with this man I was constantly ill and depressed, later I found out it was because of his negative energy and dark frequencies,that is why it was sucking the life out of me and I slowly started moving away and concentrating on my work, wich gave him the excuse to break up with me in a horrible humiliating way. He knew how to seduce me in all levels. This people are real twisted and they will kill your soul if you let them. Ny advice for you - get to know someone well before you give your heart away, stay present and FEEL how it is to be with that person, because your emotions will let you know who he is if you listen.

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  9. Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news..contact him on lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +13217666393. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http

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    1. After 11 years of marriage,A very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he left me with two kids.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{Unityspelltemple@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past{7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our marriage was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster Dr Unity. So, i will advice you out there, if you have any problem contact Dr Unity and i guarantee you that he will help you. Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on: +2348072370762. I am Donna Murray by name and i reside here in Silver Springs Florida. My residential address is as follows. 7008 E Hwy 326 Silver Springs Florida 34488, United States.If you have any problem contact him and guarantee you that he will help you .

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